Today, this is my story. April 28th and 29th are the worst days for me. I relive what happened on these days over and over again.
This week is #infertilityAwarenessWeek. I am going raw and vulnerable and I am totally ok with that because I choose to share my story every year in hopes my/our story helps someone out there. I don’t even know where to begin. I have PCOS and Endometriosis, along with some Hormonal/Thyroid issues. We went through a miscarriage.
My husband and I were told we could never have children naturally. In fact, when we were ready to start a family, my doctor, at the time skipped straight to let’s discuss Clomid. We didn’t know any better so ok, sure.
We ended up getting pregnant without any drugs and unfortunately miscarried at around 11 weeks. Our hearts were absolutely broken. That is pain that I would never wish on anyone. When I hear someone talk about miscarrying, I understand the pain and heartache because We have been there. (I say We because my husband endured pain too. Maybe I’ll have him write his side sometimes. But he watched me in pain, hurting for weeks, losing our first child and there was nothing he could do to take any of that away). It took a long time to get over the loss. I would actually say it still stings a bit, on the due date, and on the day, I miscarried are extremely hard. I still remember the day perfectly, sometimes I wish I could forget it. It was a Sunday. My husband went to Bible Study and I stayed home because I wasn’t feeling well. We waited at the ER for 4 hours, where we left because I was so far down on the list. We decided to go to another ER where I was seen instantly. And that is where they told us that they see an egg sack but no more development. My body released everything naturally so there was no need for a D&C. Besides this, I had issues with my Doctor during this process and eventually leaving him to go to another one. I tried to go back to work two days after. I don’t recommend that, take a week or however long but make sure you are emotionally and physically ready. As soon as I got to work, I went straight to my principal and was an emotional mess so she sent me back home. Some family members told us it “isn’t a baby, or it isn’t a pregnancy, or that one doesn’t count”. Let me just tell you don’t ever say those words to anyone. Because it did count. He had a heartbeat. It is also considered a pregnancy at the OB/GYN’s office. My husband had a dream one night that God came to him with the baby in his arms and showed him everything was ok and that it was a boy. My momma intuition said boy all along. My husband and I chose to name the baby to remember him, it helped us grieve. I wear a necklace with angel wings on it and the first letters of our kids’ names too. It helps to have something close to my heart to remember him by. At the time, I had all the emotions and questions as to WHY is this happening to me?
1 in 4 women miscarry. When I miscarried almost 6 years ago, no one talked about it. Nowadays I think women feel more comfortable talking about it. If you ever need anyone to talk to, message me, email me, text me!
Another part of my story is Lola’s Story, I wrote a blog post about it a while ago but if you haven’t read it, it is the story of our daughter, Lola’s pregnancy. Without the love and support from our family and God, we couldn’t have gotten through this. Period. Lola was a miracle. Our surgeon even told us that after surgery. Lola’s cyst was the biggest he has seen.
Infertility is something you shouldn’t go through alone. An Auburn Mom who grew up in Houston, Megan Smalley, recently created The Infertility Sisterhood.
She has created a community of women, that are going through infertility, that have gone through infertility, or that will in the future. Megan is building an amazing community to help educate, bring knowledge to, and help women walk the path that she has walked before. This is an amazing resource if you or someone you know wants to join.
Don’t go through anything alone! It sounds so cliche but I mean it. Message Me, Email Me, Text me! I am here for you and If I can’t help you I will reach out to this awesome community and find someone that can help you.